When it Rains, It Pours.

I don’t think I ever realized how true that very statement can be.

I’ve been through a lot in my 33 years on this earth, but I have also been very blessed in many ways. I’ve had to watch my best friend, who was truly a sister to me, die slowly before my eyes week after week. At the same time, I had to watch her 6 year old daughter lose her mother. Don’t let me get started on the issues I have with my parents / family or my first marriage. But--I also have a wonderful new family and a husband whom I love dearly and who loves me the same. I have many great friends and a job I can stand going to every day. I have my faith first and foremost which has brought me so much joy, hope and peace. I can’t complain, truly I cannot. There are some things that I wish I could change…sure. But as a whole, my life has been (and is) a good life. I know this.

Sometimes when we receive bad news it seems like the world is crashing down around us. This is where I have been for the past couple of days. I am still trying to pull myself out of it. I know that there are so many things to be thankful for…but right now…at this moment…they have faded to the background. I found out a couple of days ago that one of my dear, dear friends from high school has lost the baby she was carrying and I cannot be there to support her. This breaks my heart because I want more than anything to be in Ohio right now helping her and doing whatever I can to nurse her back to health and to be an emotional lean-to for her. But I am a ten hour drive away.

I wish that I could afford to hop on a plane and spend at least a few days with her, but I just cannot afford it right now. I’ve missed so much in her life during the last several years…it kills me to know I can’t be there when she really needs me the most. I know that she is strong enough to pull through this emotionally, but she is not physically doing well at the moment either.

The very next day I find out that Joey has leukemia. This just totally knocked me off my feet. For those of you that do not know, Joey is a little boy that I had in my daycare for around four years. I was especially close to him as he spent so much time with me and my family. He was there quite often…staying for days at a time for several nights in a row…more often than not, to be honest. We grew exceptionally close and I loved him as if he were my own nephew. I still do and I always will. I’ve said before that it was just as hard for me to leave Joey as it was for me to leave Jordan. THAT is how close we were.

He is a big piece of my heart and I cannot even begin to explain what I am feeling right now. I don’t think I even know. Right now I just know the shock of it all and the worry. I keep hoping that Joey has enough “fight” in him to win this battle. I know that if he doesn’t I will see him again someday. But he is only 8 years old. It just seems too soon for him to be leaving us. He has so much ahead of him. In his fight, yes, but in his life as well.

I have never known a more loving child, or a kinder one. He has brought so much to me and my life and to many others that have been privileged to know him. He has so much more of that to give. The fact that he has to go through this now…breaks my heart. I just hope with all I have that he is strong enough to beat this. If he isn’t, I pray that he will be able to enjoy the time he has to the fullest.

He asked his mom if he could go to school today. He just came home from the hospital yesterday. His biggest worry is losing his hair and he probably has more understanding of what cancer is than most adults. (This child is unbelievably intelligent and wise beyond his years.) I’m not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing…but it seems as if his spirit has not been broken as of yet.

He has three more years of chemo to go through. Such a short time can seem so long when you are fighting a battle like this each and every day. I am keeping Joey and his family in my heart and prayers. I will be able to talk to him on Monday. I don’t know what I’m going to say and I don’t know that I have even thought about it until just now.

I’ll probably end up talking about video games and third grade. :)